I’ve been so discouraged lately that I don’t even log on to here.
It’s embarrassing. I embarrass myself. So many people have success stories. I want to be one of those people and I think I can be.
Why do I always put things off? Why don’t I get enough sleep? Why do I eat unhealthily?
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I need to stop sucking up to myself- as weird as that sounds. I need to stop saying “oh you’re fine, eat that! you’ll start tomorrow! you’re not that big!”
No. It’s all false. I NEED to lose weight. I can. I used to be a fucking 4 sport/varsity athlete for crying out loud. I need to just…. do it. It’s that simple. No more excuses for myself. I’m tired of hearing them, I’m tired of writing about them, I’m tired of giving them to myself. They give me anxiety.
I have two months left of summer. Other than a summer class, I have no responsibilities (no job, school, etc) and I need to take advantage of this flexibility before school starts up again.
I really apologize for all of these posts lately. I know they’ve been extremely repetitive. I have been reading tumblr though, and I’m happy that you guys are sticking with everything ♥
just fucking do it.
I haven’t been on tumblr for a few days! And not being on tumblr/fitblr really does make a difference in my motivation. I really screwed these past few days up. I started my period too, which definitely did NOT help. I had no motivation to work out because of my cramps and I ate unhealthily. I know it’s not an excuse.
Tomorrow I’m getting back on track! The alarm is set for 8 AM.
Goals for tomorrow:
Eat healthily. At least 1200 calories.
8 glasses of water.
Workout for an hour, both cardio and strength training.
My summer class also starts tomorrow… joy.
And by a lot, I mean 5.
But that’s a lot for me! haha, I’m slowly working my way up. thank you all for following ♥
My sleep pattern is still messed up. I might’ve done it even more damage today. I want to get into the habit of sleeping from 11/12-8. Lately this summer, it’s been 5-12. Obviously that’s not helpful or productive at all.
So the past two nights I stayed up all night to try to ~reset it.
Monday night into Tuesday, I stayed up. At about 7 after my family was up, I got up and exercised, ate breakfast, etc until about 11 when I was too tired to stay up any more. I then slept until 3, so I got 4 hours of sleep.
I did the same thing last night. I tried to fall asleep but I couldn’t, so I decided to stay up again and only sleep for a few hours so I’d be tired tonight. Well, because I only slept four hours yesterday, I was soooo tired this morning. I went to sleep at 8 AM and woke up at 2… so six hours of sleep. This isn’t good at all! I do not want to make this a habit and I don’t want this to be my permanent sleep pattern.
I am NOT going to get into this awkward habit of staying up all night and then sleeping during the day because I’m so tired. First of all, I hate staying up all night. It’s boring, and I need to be quiet so I don’t wake anyone else up, so I basically just watch tv or movies. I hate it. I’d much rather be getting quality sleep during the night.
So tonight at like 12, even though I don’t think I’m going to be tired, I’m going to turn my computer off, all the lights off, and just lay in bed until I fall asleep. Tomorrow morning, I will get up at 8. I will not nap during the day, even if I’m tired. I’ve gotta be strict if I want to get this back on track.
It’s just that for some reason, I almost feel way too anxious to sleep at night. Maybe because I’m so used to staying up until at least 2 AM… but when I lay down at 12, I just can’t get the anxiety out of my system. I think it might be just a matter of me not being used to going to sleep at that time.
All I know is that I need to be tough on myself, because sleep is a HUGE part of health, and when I’m not sleeping at the right hours, it affects my ability to have a productive day.
Well, at first I was going to skip posting this. Whenever I used to cheat, I used to not document it and just let it go. That was a big problem. I want this time to be different, so I will post my food even if I do cheat. I didn’t end up going over 1200 calories, but it’s only because I only ate two meals.
(By the way, the reason I have nothing for lunch is because I slept through it. My sleeping schedule is off and I’m trying to get it back on track)
You may think, only 16 minutes? Easy peasy.
Well, it was challenging for me. But I worked hard during those sixteen minutes, and I burned 229 calories. And you know what? I feel great right now. I have energy, I feel good about myself, and I’m ready to do some strength training!
Also, I forgot how much I love the taste of water after some exercise. The best thirst quencher in the world!
I need to remember this feeling and how good I feel right now.